Madly in Love

What actually terrifies me the most is the possibility that I might never really find "the one".

Not because "the one" doesn't exist, but because I'm naturally unable to compromise. Because when push comes to shove, I will always resort back into thinking about my own happiness; about what makes myself happy. And if to include someone else in the equation would make myself less happy than I originally was, then why on earth would I be keeping that person in my life? And I'm telling you it's tough. Because I'm so good at being alone.

There's this defense mechanism I've built, that no matter what kind of situation you throw at me, I will adapt. You leave me on my own long enough, I'll learn to live life without you. I'll be expert at it, even. It may be hard at first. I will be missing you so bad till I cry. But I will cope. I always cope. I think people should start learning to not undermine my ability to cope. Because once the coping mechanism succeeds, I end up stronger, maybe even stronger than you...stronger than you to the point that I no longer need you in my life. And that's where the danger lies in my past relationship and possibly in every relationship I will be in the future.

I guess I've always been indifferent in relationships anyway. I mean if you still want me then good for us but if you don't then leave. I'm not the type who's willing to hurt myself by crying over someone who doesn't want me anymore. But that is why the thing I hope for most (as Ally also mentioned it once in her more memorable closings) is emotional dependence. I wanna meet, fall in love with and be with somebody I can't bear to live without. Somebody that will let me taste some of the madness of not being able to let someone go.........of loving someone more than life.

I mean we all want to be madly in love, don't we?